Choosing Singleness & The Reckless Abandonment of Your Heart

 

There comes this beautiful moment when you realize you are complete in Christ; lacking nothing, including a man.

There was this beautiful moment of surrender; of reckless abandonment when my heart changed. At that moment, every desire for relationship shifted completely over to Him. I didn’t want anyone else. Just Jesus.

But first, let me preface.

I was hurt.

Really hurt. My heart was broken.

I felt myself growing cold and bitter.

The girl who once had a Pinterest board called “hopeless romantic,” was now cynical and angry. The girl who was once consumed by dreams of being married was now seriously entertaining the thought of never dating again. For the first time, singleness sounded perfect.

I slowly began to put up walls and barriers around my heart. I was angry at men. I was mean to the guys who sought me out. I felt hatred building off of heartbreak. I caught myself saying negative things and thinking bad thoughts. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like who I was becoming.

I started praying hard. Fervently. Steadily. I wanted to take the hurt I was feeling and turn it into a fire-burning, heart-consuming love for Jesus.

All the effort that I would be putting into a relationship with a man, I started putting towards my relationship with Jesus. I wanted my relationship with Him to be an adventure. It became one. It was more than silently reading my Bible, or listening to sermons. It was so much more. It was personal. He knew me.

I continue to fall more in love with Him every day as He leads me to open fields full of wild flowers, alongside the ocean with rolling waves, on top of mountains where the sunset steals my breath away. He romances me with His creation. He’s healing my fragile heart with sunshine and cool breeze.

And He wants to romance you, too. What things set your heart ablaze, sister? He knows you. He wants to steal you away from the crowd, away from your phone, away from the busyness of life. He knows the words your heart longs for. He knows the affirmation you crave. He wants to whisper your worth through the wind and wrap around you with the warmth from the sun.

Several months earlier, I was trying to grow my faith while still holding onto something not meant for me; holding onto something the enemy was using as a distraction. I learned that I cannot devote myself to Jesus and choose to keep a part of my heart to the side just in case something that seems better comes along. You feel?

“I can’t give You half my heart and pray You make it whole.”

Growth is beautiful. I’ve realized several things over the past few months. One of my biggest sins is the idolatry of love and relationships. I grew up in a home where my parents are captivated by love for each other. I wanted that and I wanted it bad. Too much at times.

I live under the belief that God is sovereign. I believe He is all-powerful and all-knowing. I also believe that as the Author of life, He has the power and right to give and take away. Oh, how it must break His heart to watch us chase after the perfect love He desperately tries to give us each and every day. How many times must we relearn that we cannot love the creation more than the Creator?

I had a misplaced sense of purpose.

I was hurt so deeply because I had it all wrong. I had a complete misplaced sense of purpose in life. While being a wife is an incredible blessing (Proverbs 18:22), it’s not my sole purpose in life. Marriage is a good thing, but it’s not an ultimate thing. And the truth is, I am nowhere near ready to be married right now. God has so much to do in me and through me before He brings me to the man I will spend my life with, if I am even to be married. He may still have work to do in you, also!

If God has brought you an amazing man at age 19 or 21 or 23, treasure that. But if He hasn’t… use this extra time of singleness to come away with Him. In this waiting time, let’s grow and enjoy and explore and change. A boyfriend is a blessing.  A husband is a gift. But so is this envied time of singleness you’ve been given in this season. Do not waste it away wishing that you had a man. The past few months have been filled with laughter, exploration, and joy as I have fallen deeply in love with the Keeper of my heart.

I think so many young women believe that their life begins when they meet Prince Charming. They spend days and hours filled with pity, idly waiting on a man to come sweep them off their feet. Or in some cases, just take them to dinner. Some feel incomplete without a man in their world. Writer Jackie Kendall gently reminds us that, “incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.”

Young woman of God, I beg you to see the beauty in singleness. The freedom. The experiences. Serve others. Give of your time.

Take this time of singleness to serve in ways you couldn’t otherwise. Take a risk and move somewhere. Go serve for the summer in Africa. Volunteer at your church. Help out at a nursing home or after-school program. Take the time that you would be spending with a significant other and gear it towards serving and helping others. Mentor a young woman who is currently experiencing the heartbreak you once walked through. Lead a Bible study. Join an organization. Pick up a new hobby. Don’t sit around pinning about your dream wedding or scrolling through couple photos on social media. Stay busy with things that enhance your life.

Being single does not equal being lonely. Seek good community and He will provide.

My days and weeks have been spent alongside some of my dearest heart-friends as we dream together and literally laugh without fear of the future.

I have a question for you…

Do you know how to be single? Really, truly single? Or do you feel somewhat incomplete without a guy around? It seems like in this generation, even the “single” folks aren’t actualllllly single. There’s always a consistent text conversation, one-on-one hangouts, Snapchat streaks, coffee dates, social media flirting. We can laugh, but really… think about it. Are you ok by yourself? Are you ok without receiving male attention?

This is a question I needed to ask myself and it may be a question you need to ask yourself, too. Not that there’s anything wrong with the things listed above, but as a young woman committed to dating Christ right now, those may be some things that need to dwindle down in order to eliminate distraction.

So where am I now?

I chose to abandon my heart’s desire for relationship. I chose to choose Him. It’s still there of course, but it has been refocused.

I am not going on a “dating fast.” I don’t have a set time period for this dedicated time, but I’m also not waiting around on a guy to come sweep me away! I am not scrolling social media, browsing apps, and hoping I get asked out by that cute boy at church.

I didn’t “stop dating” because I was bitter or angry. I simply chose to refocus my thoughts, efforts, and energy. I chose to start saying no to dates. I stopped entertaining male attention just to feel better about myself.

I am content. I am growing and learning. My heart and sole focus is on Jesus. And I believe that when the time is right, when the right dude pops into the picture, I will just know. There will be peace. It will require time and prayer. But I’d rather have a sloooow process and find someone worth sticking around through godly pursuit than deal with heartbreak again. Anyone else?

Has your heart had enough? Are you tired of searching and hoping and waiting around?

If you’re at all interested in recklessly abandoning your heart to Jesus, surrendering over your loneliness and relational desires, and trusting the Lover of your soul, I would be honored to join alongside you as an accountability partner. Feel free to send me a message at madisongwheat@gmail.com.

I vow to check in on you and your heart. Singleness can be hard as a young woman. Especially in this culture and society. Especially as a believer when it seems like 22 is the prime-age to get engaged. Shoot, I’ll even be your Plus 1 to any summer weddings, if you need one! 🙂

Sister, I want to stand with you as we guard our hearts, fall madly in love with Jesus, and pray over our futures. Before God brings him along this month, or in three years, or even if he never comes… we must learn to be fulfilled and satisfied with Christ alone. Let Him sustain you.

It’s the best thing I could have ever done.

I love you and I am so thankful you’ve taken time to read this and let me share my heart with you.