“I love social media but it’s changing me…”

IMG_2814Why you should log out every now & then.

I was recently challenged and encouraged by a dear friend to pick up Tony Reinke’s book 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You.

For quite some time I was embarrassed to admit that I had a problem with my phone.

There would be times when I’d open up and times of vulnerability where I could admit that when _____ unfollowed me it hurt my feelings, or when ____ posted that photo it made me feel left out, or _____’s comment made me feel insecure.

I have had friends encourage me to step away from social media. The people who deeply knew me. Should have been a sign.

For so long, I was too prideful to admit that it was a real issue in my life. I was unwilling to talk about the hold it really had on me emotionally and psychologically. I was too embarrassed to discuss the hurt it had caused me. I didn’t want to seem weak. I didn’t want to fit the stereotype of “millennials and their phones.”

After some self-realization, I decided to check out this new book.

The book was challenging in the best way possible.

I want to tell everyone about it.

It wasn’t anti-smartphone or anti-social media. Quite contrary, actually.

I agree with the author that technology is a gift from God. It is not bad to use it, but it’s about how you use it.

Social media can be a blessing and a gift when used in the right way!

But we don’t always use it in the right way. At least, I certainly didn’t.

I want to talk about real issues with our phones. I want to talk about loneliness, and approval, and how we are spending our time.

As always, I’m going to get real with you all about some pretty embarrassing things. I want to share some highlights of the book and of course, I have a little challenge for us at the end.

I love staying connected. I am personally a huge fan of social media even though I have done several college presentations on the damage of it. I think it can be used for good and for evil.

I want to stir our minds and hearts a little. I want us to really evaluate ourselves.


How is your phone changing you?

The Mornings

The morning is when we should prepare ourselves spiritually for the day.


Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14


Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Psalm 143:8


…When I wake, I will be satisfied in Your presence.

Psalm 17:15b

My phone came before God almost every morning. Started with an alarm on my phone. Then, reading through squinty eyes, any late-night texts that came through. Then transitioning to social media notifications. Ohhh, did I get any emails overnight? Wait… is today the day I am having lunch with Alexis?

And before I know it, I have spent 30+ minutes scrolling and I am still laying in bed. Now I am running late. I don’t have enough time to eat breakfast, let alone spend some time in morning surrender with my Savior.

How am I starting my day?

How am I spending my time?

I just picture our Father looking down on me, so sad. He is waiting for me to look up at Him but I am so consumed by the meaningless things on that tiny screen.

What should be the very object of my affection cannot even catch my attention in the morning.

It is heartbreaking. He is waiting to give me all the love, all the peace, all the joy I need for the day and instead, I am using that time to compare myself, to think about all the things I have to do, and mindlessly scroll. My solitude and spiritual health are threatened by my need and desire to “be in the know.”

“I don’t want to miss out on anything that happened in the past few hours. So, God, can you just hold on?”

Nope. Not ok, Madison.

Think about it this way…

When I am dating someone, they’re usually the first person I want to talk to in the morning.

Just with any relationship… We must remember God, we must choose Him. If you are in a relationship with someone who you love and think about all the time, it is likely that they will be the first person you text or call when you wake in the morning. How satisfying to the soul would it be if we rewired our hearts and made God that person?

But besides mornings, what about out other rest?

How many of us lay in bed with the intention of going to sleep at night and instead pick up our phones? Before you know it, an hour has passed. Maybe more.

It’s exhausting to our hearts while stimulating our brains. We are then unable to sleep, and our minds are thinking about 27 different things. We cannot find rest.

Just like Tony writes on page 191, this can lead to further fatigue because we aren’t turning to a real fix, like community, or a nap, or exercise… but instead, we are being lured into a world of watching other people’s lives and reading articles that don’t actually benefit us.

God wants to give us rest.

Start your day off with surrender and communing with God. During the day build authentic and undistracted relationships with others, and during the night avoid isolation/loneliness by simply putting your phone away.

The Loneliness

Social media leads to loneliness. Picking up our phone seems like an easy fix. We try to escape isolation by scrolling, grasping for connection… All the while feeding our sense of isolation by reminding us that we are indeed alone looking in on the lives of others.

When I am alone, I tend to look at my phone more, which then feeds the feeling of loneliness even more. I will sit on my couch and scroll, peering in on the picture-worthy-moments of my friends and strangers, alike.

Sometimes it’s like we are desperately waiting for some false sense of connection and community. On page 121 the author points out the raw reality that “we feel the sting of loneliness in the middle of online connectedness.”

Even when 2,000 people watch your story or 350 like your photo, your heart can feel hollow from the absence of real community and belonging.

I guarantee that half of the “Instagram models” we see battle with loneliness and possibly lack real community. Their lives seem so glamorous on the outside. Hmmm… I just wonder.

Even when you’re off your phone (thanks to notifications) we receive little reminders that scream ‘hey, look what you’re missing… you should check it out!’

FOMO is so real and can be so devastating.

It’s easy become enslaved.

We refresh and stalk and click.

We are just watching from the sidelines and scrolling though hours of other people’s lives, stories, experiences, and the “reality” they choose to share online.

Is this healthy? Is this helpful?

When we feel less than or lonely we continue to look at the very thing making us feel that way. All the while, God is waiting for us with open arms wanting to give comfort and security and peace.

The Approval

John 12:43

For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.

Some days, my attitude could be dictated by what I scrolled past on Instagram. I realized that the first thing I would do when I woke up was check my phone. I would compare myself. I would check-in. I would post. And I would stalk, and stalk, and stalk… (no shame… ok, maybe a little).

*I would even cry. Sometimes out of insecurity. Sometimes out of feeling left out or unimportant. Sometimes out of seeing all the accomplishments and highs of everyone else’s life when mine seemed to crumble. Sometimes out of seeing an ex or a friend move on. Sometimes out people that no longer wanted to be connected to be on social media so they would unfriend or unfollow. I would feel so rejected.*

What was wrong with me? Why don’t you want to see my life in pictures?

“So what do we fear more, the disapproval of God or the disappearance of online followers?” (Page 74 of 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You).

We crave immediate approval. We want to be reminded that we matter to me.

How many of us post/upload and then refresh… and then refresh? We have an urgent desire to see who is approving us, who is double-clicking and it leads us to stare at stagnant screens, hoping with every pull-down of the finger we will see another validation, another affirmation, another like.

Tony gently reminds us that “the urgency that you feel and that drives you online is caused by your fear of being unreplicated, unseen, unloved.”

In Derek Rishmawy’s Forget Me Not, points out a reality that resonated deeply with my soul. “…There’s a part of me that’s scared that if I’m out of sight, I’ll be out of mind, and then I won’t matter anymore.”

WOW. How true is this?

I have been guilty of posting stories out of boredom.

No purpose other than, “Hey… see me. I am still alive. Watch me. Make me feel like you care. I mean, after all, you clicked on my tiny circular photo.”

We don’t want to be left out.

There’s a desire to stay relevant…

Who am I if I am not seen?  Will people forget about me? We crave more. We cannot be satisfied. We will grow weary by trying to stay relevant and current. We want to be known, seen, viewed, and told that we matter by double-clicks and views.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

Who are we aiming to please?

But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts.

1 Thessalonians 2:4

We have the opportunity to bless others, to bring the Kingdom, to help others encounter God. But we lose sight of this gift when we concern ourselves with pleasing others around us.

So what now?

I have scrolled social media in the past seeing it as a “fix.” The fix for loneliness, or to escape, or to fix my boredom…

But what if we used it wisely and for good and in a healthy dose?

One way that we can use technology in the right way is by allowing our online presence to be one of positivity and encouragement.

Page 20- “Every Christian is now given unmatched opportunity for online ministry.” Just like this blog you are reading.

Whether you have 30 followers or 30,000 followers, you have the opportunity to be a beacon of HOPE and an example of LIGHT through your online profile. You have the opportunity to use your online platform to give God glory and witness to your through posts, and tweets, and encouraging photos.

My short two week break from social media while I read this book was sobering and convicting. It gave me a healthy dose of humility and self-awareness. I am thankful to have the opportunity to use my social media as a platform for Jesus and as a place to record fun memories with friends.

When your goal is Christ, you must refuse to settle.

So moving forward, what are some practical ways we can practice self-awareness with our online lives?

  1. Rethink boundaries in your digital life.
  2. Ask yourself questions.
  3. Be self-aware.
  4. Make goals for yourself.

A personal goal I made is that I have decided to take one week every month away from all social media.

Know yourself and your limits to take a step back. The author even encourages the readers to open up the discussion with family friends to get their opinions of your phone habits and usage.

Some questions to ponder:

  • Does my phone help or hurt me when reaching my spiritual goals?
  • Do people see Jesus when they look at my online profile?
  • Am I spending more time browsing and scrolling than interacting with real-life people?
  • Am I spending more time browsing and scrolling than spending time with Jesus?
  • Is my social media pouring out love and encouragement?


Technology is a gift from God. We must treat it as such and make sure that the Giver is always coming before the gift.


I have no idea what I am doing with my life…


“What are your plans? What’s next for you? What’s the dream?”

Man, it’s really tough to admit.

“I don’t know.” “I am interviewing.” “I’m still waiting.”

And scary.

Sometimes embarrassing. We’re supposed to have a plan, right?

All these dreams I once had, all these ideas of what life would look like as a post-grad, 22-year-old…

I scroll and see new apartments, publishing deals, acceptance letters, cool cities, beautiful testimonies of friends on mission, so many things that point to a somewhat-solidified future. It seems like the people around me are thriving.

I am not naïve enough to buy into the highlight-reel we often see on social media. I know no one’s life is perfect. But it seems they have purpose, they have an idea of what’s next.


I graduate in 16 days. Yeah, I know.

I am lost.

Life is changing around me. People are growing up and moving off.

Going to med school. Getting married. Moving to Africa on mission. Publishing their books. Getting cast in new film projects. Attending seminary. Signing contracts. Moving to fun cities.

I’ve watched my dreams come true for other people.

I’ve waited when God says “no” to me. I’ve heard Him say “wait.”

I’ve watched as He says “yes” to others.


I’ve been humbled by the emails that come through…

  • “I regret to inform you that we have taken another applicant.”
  • “We are sorry but you do not meet our experience qualifications.”
  • “We aren’t hiring right now.”
  • “You’re not what we are looking for.”


So what do I do?


Where am I putting my hope?

I was blinded to the fact that my security was being sought in a job. I saw my esteem go down with every “rejection.” I saw doubt rise when seeing other people’s success. I saw hopelessness come in sleepless nights when anxiety took over my mind. I was getting it all wrong. I was building idols in places of my heart and mind where God should be standing. 


I write this as encouragement. I don’t think I am alone. I believe there are hundreds of people right here, right now who seek purpose, who want a calling, who desire direction, and are waiting for SOMETHING to give them hope about the future. But we should already have hope… for those who belong to Christ Jesus, we know our story is being crafted right now by the most trustworthy hands…


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all of your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Our future is already written. He delights in taking care of His children. He already knows what is to come and when we seek Him and search Him, He will reveal Himself to us. There’s no promise of our life being easy. There’s no promise that we will get everything we want. But there is a promise that He is a good father, one who keeps our best interest in mind. He wants to grow us, to teach us, to deepen our hunger for Him, to strengthen our reliance on Him.

HE should be our greatest treasure, where our hope is found. No job, no financial security, no relationship should compare to the hope and peace found in a heart fully surrendered to Him.


“A man’s heart will try to plan his ways, but only the Lord can determine his steps.”

Proverbs 16:9

We are not in control and no matter how much we fight it, we never will be. This should be a rested and blessed assurance rather than a let-down. Let’s rejoice that we will be taken care of when we rest in Him. Let’s rejoice that we are not in control. Continue to work hard. Make goals and plan if you want. But don’t let your plans become an idol because ultimately He is the one who determines where we go.


“When I was filled with anxiety, your comfort brought joy to my soul.”

Psalm 94:19


“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:34


“Who of you can add a single hour to your life by worrying? Since you can not do this, why worry? … Don’t keep striving for what you should eat or what you should drink, and don’t be anxious. For the Gentile would eagerly seek all of these things and your Father already knows that you need them.”

Luke 12:25-26, 29-30

Fear can silence. Worry can cripple. But His comfort, His joy, His peace can surround you. I cannot and will not say that it will be easy. But we can be thankful in difficult circumstances knowing that He has gone before us and wants to comfort us. We worry about things we cannot control. Our minds are poisoned with negative thoughts. It comes to a point where we need to stop fighting this battle of control. SO much gratitude and peace flows from my heart when I truly trust that He’s got me.


So this is for you; those who feel like you’re wandering, those who lack purpose, those who need something of promise…

  1. You are not alone. Me too. And I know it’s tough, but that is the beauty of community. I never thought I would be the girl who moves back in with her parents after college. I never thought I would struggle to find a job. But it’s ok! Because God provides.
  2. Don’t think you are “above.” My pride wants to tell me that I should be doing “something big.” My pride wants to tell me that I should act like I have it all together. My pride tells me that I am “above” working a minimum wage job as a college graduate. And yeah… it’s not ideal, it’s not what I dreamed of. But in this meanwhile time of waiting for God’s best, I should take joy in whatever He has given me. It is ok if you have to work retail, or have to work at a restaurant, or as a hostess, or as a nanny. It can still be a mission field. It can still be a place where you grow and learn and thrive.
  3. Trust Him. It’s harder than it sounds sometimes, right? But there are pages of God-breathed scripture that reminds us of who He is and promises us that He cares for us. He won’t leave us out to dry.
  4. Be grateful for what you do have instead of complaining about what you don’t have. Pastor Chip Henderson of Pinelake Church has some incredible sermons on what it looks like to be grateful even when things may not be going our way. (I highly recommend clicking the link and listening to any of the sermons posted). Be thankful that you had the opportunity to get a high school or university education. Be thankful that you have access to a church family in your community that can provide wise counsel in difficult times. Be thankful for friends or family who may be willing to help you out a little when we are in need. Be thankful for a God who sees you .

You guys are awesome. I’m walking with you through this journey. Feel free to send prayer requests to madison.metoosister@gmail.com!

Love y’all. God bless.

Choosing Singleness & The Reckless Abandonment of Your Heart



There comes this beautiful moment when you realize you are complete in Christ; lacking nothing, including a man.

There was this beautiful moment of surrender; of reckless abandonment when my heart changed. At that moment, every desire for relationship shifted completely over to Him. I didn’t want anyone else. Just Jesus.

But first, let me preface.

I was hurt.

Really hurt. My heart was broken.

I felt myself growing cold and bitter.

The girl who once had a Pinterest board called “hopeless romantic,” was now cynical and angry. The girl who was once consumed by dreams of being married was now seriously entertaining the thought of never dating again. For the first time, singleness sounded perfect.

I slowly began to put up walls and barriers around my heart. I was angry at men. I was mean to the guys who sought me out. I felt hatred building off of heartbreak. I caught myself saying negative things and thinking bad thoughts. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like who I was becoming.

I started praying hard. Fervently. Steadily. I wanted to take the hurt I was feeling and turn it into a fire-burning, heart-consuming love for Jesus.

All the effort that I would be putting into a relationship with a man, I started putting towards my relationship with Jesus. I wanted my relationship with Him to be an adventure. It became one. It was more than silently reading my Bible, or listening to sermons. It was so much more. It was personal. He knew me.

I continue to fall more in love with Him every day as He leads me to open fields full of wild flowers, alongside the ocean with rolling waves, on top of mountains where the sunset steals my breath away. He romances me with His creation. He’s healing my fragile heart with sunshine and cool breeze.

And He wants to romance you, too. What things set your heart ablaze, sister? He knows you. He wants to steal you away from the crowd, away from your phone, away from the busyness of life. He knows the words your heart longs for. He knows the affirmation you crave. He wants to whisper your worth through the wind and wrap around you with the warmth from the sun.

Several months earlier, I was trying to grow my faith while still holding onto something not meant for me; holding onto something the enemy was using as a distraction. I learned that I cannot devote myself to Jesus and choose to keep a part of my heart to the side just in case something that seems better comes along. You feel?

“I can’t give You half my heart and pray You make it whole.”

Growth is beautiful. I’ve realized several things over the past few months. One of my biggest sins is the idolatry of love and relationships. I grew up in a home where my parents are captivated by love for each other. I wanted that and I wanted it bad. Too much at times.

I live under the belief that God is sovereign. I believe He is all-powerful and all-knowing. I also believe that as the Author of life, He has the power and right to give and take away. Oh, how it must break His heart to watch us chase after the perfect love He desperately tries to give us each and every day. How many times must we relearn that we cannot love the creation more than the Creator?

I had a misplaced sense of purpose.

I was hurt so deeply because I had it all wrong. I had a complete misplaced sense of purpose in life. While being a wife is an incredible blessing (Proverbs 18:22), it’s not my sole purpose in life. Marriage is a good thing, but it’s not an ultimate thing. And the truth is, I am nowhere near ready to be married right now. God has so much to do in me and through me before He brings me to the man I will spend my life with, if I am even to be married. He may still have work to do in you, also!

If God has brought you an amazing man at age 19 or 21 or 23, treasure that. But if He hasn’t… use this extra time of singleness to come away with Him. In this waiting time, let’s grow and enjoy and explore and change. A boyfriend is a blessing.  A husband is a gift. But so is this envied time of singleness you’ve been given in this season. Do not waste it away wishing that you had a man. The past few months have been filled with laughter, exploration, and joy as I have fallen deeply in love with the Keeper of my heart.

I think so many young women believe that their life begins when they meet Prince Charming. They spend days and hours filled with pity, idly waiting on a man to come sweep them off their feet. Or in some cases, just take them to dinner. Some feel incomplete without a man in their world. Writer Jackie Kendall gently reminds us that, “incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.”

Young woman of God, I beg you to see the beauty in singleness. The freedom. The experiences. Serve others. Give of your time.

Take this time of singleness to serve in ways you couldn’t otherwise. Take a risk and move somewhere. Go serve for the summer in Africa. Volunteer at your church. Help out at a nursing home or after-school program. Take the time that you would be spending with a significant other and gear it towards serving and helping others. Mentor a young woman who is currently experiencing the heartbreak you once walked through. Lead a Bible study. Join an organization. Pick up a new hobby. Don’t sit around pinning about your dream wedding or scrolling through couple photos on social media. Stay busy with things that enhance your life.

Being single does not equal being lonely. Seek good community and He will provide.

My days and weeks have been spent alongside some of my dearest heart-friends as we dream together and literally laugh without fear of the future.

I have a question for you…

Do you know how to be single? Really, truly single? Or do you feel somewhat incomplete without a guy around? It seems like in this generation, even the “single” folks aren’t actualllllly single. There’s always a consistent text conversation, one-on-one hangouts, Snapchat streaks, coffee dates, social media flirting. We can laugh, but really… think about it. Are you ok by yourself? Are you ok without receiving male attention?

This is a question I needed to ask myself and it may be a question you need to ask yourself, too. Not that there’s anything wrong with the things listed above, but as a young woman committed to dating Christ right now, those may be some things that need to dwindle down in order to eliminate distraction.

So where am I now?

I chose to abandon my heart’s desire for relationship. I chose to choose Him. It’s still there of course, but it has been refocused.

I am not going on a “dating fast.” I don’t have a set time period for this dedicated time, but I’m also not waiting around on a guy to come sweep me away! I am not scrolling social media, browsing apps, and hoping I get asked out by that cute boy at church.

I didn’t “stop dating” because I was bitter or angry. I simply chose to refocus my thoughts, efforts, and energy. I chose to start saying no to dates. I stopped entertaining male attention just to feel better about myself.

I am content. I am growing and learning. My heart and sole focus is on Jesus. And I believe that when the time is right, when the right dude pops into the picture, I will just know. There will be peace. It will require time and prayer. But I’d rather have a sloooow process and find someone worth sticking around through godly pursuit than deal with heartbreak again. Anyone else?

Has your heart had enough? Are you tired of searching and hoping and waiting around?

If you’re at all interested in recklessly abandoning your heart to Jesus, surrendering over your loneliness and relational desires, and trusting the Lover of your soul, I would be honored to join alongside you as an accountability partner. Feel free to send me a message at madisongwheat@gmail.com.

I vow to check in on you and your heart. Singleness can be hard as a young woman. Especially in this culture and society. Especially as a believer when it seems like 22 is the prime-age to get engaged. Shoot, I’ll even be your Plus 1 to any summer weddings, if you need one! 🙂

Sister, I want to stand with you as we guard our hearts, fall madly in love with Jesus, and pray over our futures. Before God brings him along this month, or in three years, or even if he never comes… we must learn to be fulfilled and satisfied with Christ alone. Let Him sustain you.

It’s the best thing I could have ever done.

I love you and I am so thankful you’ve taken time to read this and let me share my heart with you.

…on being “too much,” and “not enough,” and how to heal


Someone else’s inability to see your worth does not lessen your value.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

Have you ever been cut deeply by the words of someone else? Has anyone ever been wounded by words spoken out of emotion, anger, and recklessness with total disregard for your feelings?

This post is long, but I believe it is worth the read for someone who has wrestled with feeling too much or not enough based on rejection experienced from others. Stay with me, I have some challenges for us!

I was first introduced to the idea of “word curses” in my bible study last semester. The idea hit me hard and fast. Before I realized what was going on, my brain had filtered through thousands of thoughts and brought to surface hurtful comments that subconsciously affect the way I view myself.

Word curses are really anything that has ever been spoken to you or over you that has subconsciously changed and affected the way you see yourself. It aligns with Charles Cooley’s looking glass theory. We see ourselves essentially how we think others see us.

“I’m too much. I’m not enough.”

I believe the concept of being too ____ and being not enough go hand-in-hand. Although, they are two very different concepts, they both have the same thought-consuming effect. The idea that ‘I am just too ____,’ can translate into the thought of, ‘therefore, I am not enough.’

I started to think and pray through my own “word curses.” Unfortunately, a lot of my damage had come from hurtful words in past relationships. Some of those relationships ended with an explanation of ‘you’re just so… you’re just too…’ Or maybe there’d be no reasonable explanation and my mind would be left to wander. Maybe they had already chosen someone else. A lot of damage can happen when a broken heart spends alone time with scattered thoughts.

As God started this healing and redeeming process in my heart, it forced up the ugly roots of some deeply planted lies I have believed about myself for far too long. We don’t realize the impact of words. We really don’t.

Take a moment and think with me here. Grab a piece of paper and write out a prayer asking God to reveal these lies and actively replace them with truth about WHO you are as you remind yourself WHOSE you are. Write down these word curses. Write down the moments you’ve felt like you were just too much. Write down those instances you were made to feel that you were not enough. I know it’s hard. But this is healthy for your soul, trust me.

What are some of your word curses? Maybe you’ve given yourself some. I remember the first time I was cheated on. He didn’t have to say anything. I stalked the girl and I had plenty to say about myself. ‘If only I had been better, this wouldn’t have happened.’ Sometimes we can we be our own worst enemy. When did you start believing these lies? Is it when he chose her? Is it when your dad left? Was it when that man took advantage of you? Is it when your classmates laughed at you because you couldn’t read well? Is it when you didn’t win?

You care too much.

You’re too thin.

You’re not pretty enough.

You’re too crazy.

You’re not athletic enough.

You’re too tall.

You’re not cool enough.

You’re too curvy.

You’re too emotional.

You’re too dark.

You talk too much.

Challenge 1: Identify it. Claim it. Get it out there. Rebuke it. Replace it with truth. Surrender it over. THESE ARE LIES. It breaks my heart when I see friends believing untrue things about themselves, and then I realize I do the same thing! We cannot continue to bandaid it up. We cannot continue to push it aside and act like it wasn’t a big deal. He cannot heal us if we don’t let Him.

I remember rejection and heartache dating back to being a 10-year-old. A softball coach, the man who abused me, a belittling teacher, the high school mean girl, the college mean girl… Words stay, and sting, and curse us, even when we do not realize it’s happening. This is why it is absolutely vital for the health of your heart that your identity is rooted, found, and kept in the truth of what Christ says about you.

I had ‘known’ what Christ says about me, but I hadn’t believed it for a long time. I would get to a place of confidence in my identity in Christ and then be crushed when an ex moved on; crushed when a girl I desperately wanted to be friends with wanted nothing to do with me; crushed when the number on the scale would go up; crushed when that person walked out of my life; crushed when I didn’t get a call back for that job…

But it’s changed for me. And it can change for you, too. I believe it is so important to identify your word curses. Don’t just cut down the tree… dig up the roots.

Sister, brother, friend… I am sorry that you have been hurt. I hurt with you. I know what it feels like to hear those words play over in your head. You are not alone. I stand with you.

But it is time for us to heal. It is time for us to pick ourselves up, wipe the dust from our feet, and move on. (Matthew 10:14)

Challenge 2: Remind yourself that you are not alone. Remind yourself of the truth that He claims for you. Remind yourself that you are complete in Christ. Pray for healing. Actively pursue healing.

Hurt people don’t have to hurt people. Hurt people can help people. As a brother or sister who has experienced this pain, let us resist from using words or language that scar others. I do not believe in an eye for an eye. I believe in grace. Those who have been given much grace, let us give much grace.

Let your conversation always be full of grace…

Colossians 4:6

Challenge 3: Let us speak with kindness, including when we talk about ourselves. Let us help others who have been wounded and give them life with our words. Speak only what is helpful, encouraging, and building others up. (Ephesians 4:29)

And the thing is… we are not TOO anything. We are just right. I have had to learn, accept, and believe that I am a beautiful, strong, confident daughter of the King. Someone else’s inability to see my worth does not lessen the value that my Creator has given me. He worked so hard on me, so hard on you. We are His masterpieces.

YOU are a unique, priceless, beautiful, talented, loved human being. You have been crafted exactly how the Father wanted you. Your gifts, your feelings, your ideas are BRILLIANT and beautiful blessings. It is time to let go of the word curses, claim truth, and heal. You are not too much. You are more than enough.

set free in the silence to dance in the fire

Yes. Yes. Yes.

the refugium

I had never felt more a slave.

Slavery began on the idea that it was a design from God. Its very existence was birthed at the fall when man gave up its right to full access to the things of God, and sold our souls to the devil. “The tree of knowledge of good and evil” [ Genesis 2:16 ] This is what we traded our freedom for; to know things we were never meant to know. This is where slavery began. We sold our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls that day. No deed is to be made with the devil without a price. To be corrupted, to be tortured with doubt of who we were made to be; being made fully aware of the darkest evil. On that day, God’s heart broke as our eyes were unveiled and our mind permeated with things beyond what He ever intended for…

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Following the Unknown when God says “Go!”


“…therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” Matthew 9:38 ESV

I have some big news… I am moving to LA! But before I explain what that is going to look like, let me preface…

I didn’t plan to peace-out in the middle of my senior year. I didn’t plan to leave behind the people I love most in the world. I didn’t plan to be 22 and single. I didn’t plan to move to Los Angeles. I didn’t plan to postpone graduation until I-don’t-know-when.

It seems like a reoccurring theme in my life, over the past few years, has been God completely obliterating the plans I make for myself.

I need to do better about practicing what I preach. I believe that He is a good, sovereign Father who loves and watches out for us. He knows our deepest desires and our greatest heart-cries. I talk about how His plans are so much greater than anything we could ask, plan, or imagine for ourselves. Yet, I am hesitant to really trust Him with this move. Between a semester abroad, spontaneously transferring schools, a broken heart, changing my major, and desiring to plant roots, I’ve tried to take my future into my own hands.

“Are you sure, God? I really think it would be better if I stayed. But why?”

Honestly, I am sad. Because life is good; the best it has been, maybe ever, thus far. I couldn’t ask for better friends. My friends love me dearly. My parents and I have never been closer. I am doing well in school. I am lacking one semester until graduation. I am very involved in my church. I have been able to pour into the lives of younger girls. I have a deep sense of belonging. I love Mississippi State University. Life is just good. I am comfortable and happy.

But God has called me to leave. There have been some incredible doors and opportunities that He has opened in Los Angeles, California. So on December 26, 2016, I am packing up my little, blue, beetle bug and driving across the country to my new “home.” I will be working alongside my amazing manager and agent and will be acting full-time. I am not sure what this looks like. I don’t have a desire to become famous or to have my name in big lights. That’s not the goal. But I have a desire to change lives and help show people their worth and God-given purpose. Maybe acting will provide me a platform to speak into the lives of young women for years to come. Maybe I’ll never get cast in anything huge, yet, my purpose is to impact one Uber driver, one casting director, one nonbeliever who is completely turned off to the Church. One person would be worth it. 

I don’t know what God is thinking. I could get out there and immediately be told to come back home. I could be out there for one month, or one year. This could be short-term, seasonal, or indefinitely… I have no idea the length of my stay, or what God has in store for me. But I do know that while I am there, I will seize every opportunity to make Jesus known and be a light in the darkness.

I want nothing more than to be known as a young woman who is madly in love of Jesus.
There’s a lot of hurting people in Los Angeles. There’s a lot of brokenness, and the enemy is at work there. Sometimes helping can hurt. But I believe that I was created to help, to encourage, to love. I believe that God gave me a sensitive heart, full of empathy and compassion, for the purpose of coming alongside others and showing them the freedom that is experienced when you’re living a life saturated in Christ’s love. The emptiest voids are filled. The temporary pleasure turns to lasting joy.

I am looking at this as an opportunity to be a missionary in the entertainment industry.  Just like Matthew 9:38, I want to be a worker in the harvest. The harvest in LA is a dark one. It needs some hope, some light. I am not going out there with the goal of “making it big.” My only goal, as of now, is to be obedient to what He is calling me to, no matter how lonely, scary, or vague it may seem right now.

So please pray for me. There are several ways you can be praying for me…. Pray that I am obedient with full abandonment rather than reservation. Pray for strength. Pray that I will not lose sight of what my mission is and Who my mission is for. Pray for protection against the attacks of the enemy. It is going to be very hard for me to leave behind my best friends, my family, and my beloved University. Please pray for protection against loneliness and that God will provide amazing community. Pray for clarity and vision. I am extremely purpose-driven and I am still waiting to find out what my purpose is out in LA. Please pray for financial provision. This journey is not cheap. I know that God is a God who provides. If He calls you to it, He will bless you for it.

There is beauty in the unknown. And sometimes He tells us to go. So friends, I’ll leave you with this… Don’t let the fear of missing out keep you from following the Lord’s will. Whatever He is calling you to; grad school, marriage, singleness, Africa, another university, a career/major change… Don’t let the fear of what you’ll be missing out on, keep you from experiencing the joy and blessing of obedience.

Blessings and big hugs, Madi Wheat


To The Girl Who Thinks She Has Gone Too Far, A Good Man Will Still Love You


I was having lunch with a dear friend last week when I was asked a troubling question. I think this insecurity is felt by many young women, especially within the Christian community.

“Sometimes I worry I’ve gone too far… Will any good, Christian man still want me?”
I’ve heard this many times before. Different stories, different faces, different scars, different heartache, same fear…

My heart breaks thinking about the ways that the enemy can take such a fragile issue and create a head of unworthiness, insecurity, and fear. Sweet sister, you are no less than.

There’s a lie he tells: that you’re not good enough for a good guy.

What’s a good guy, anyways?

I don’t know about y’all, but I know a lot of “good” guys that have screwed up pretty big once or twice, also…
“Good” guys have been washed with the same grace that you have been washed with, sister. Grace and grace alone, from the King on the cross, make a man good.
You are covered. You are not made acceptable or pleasing to God by works, behavior, or the minimal head-count of your sins. You are made acceptable and pleasing ONLY through the blood of Christ. We are not righteous based on what we do or don’t do, we are made righteous by the One who died to put us in the clear. So girlfriend, that makes you a “good girl.”

Don’t buy into the lie that you are not worthy of love. That is a key tactic of the enemy to isolate and distance you from the Truth. The feeling of unworthiness can cause us to go into hiding. Kind of like Eve did in the garden. We shouldn’t be embarrassed, but rather, we should run and cling to the arms of the One who has forgiven, the One who washes and makes us clean.

We have this biblical ideal of the Proverbs 31 woman. This woman is strong, beautiful, secure in the Lord, pure, valuable, a hard worker, willing, generous, God-fearing, honorable, wise, and kind.

But by God’s grace, He has also given us redemption stories of women in the Bible. Gomer, Hagar, Ruth, Rahab… the list could go on. These women were not perfect. But God saw them, loved them, redeemed them, used them for greatness. These women all carry their own redemption stories. Just like you and me.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is in John 8. Go read right now.
“Go and sin no more.”
There is this woman, caught in adultery, thrown into the streets, naked, embarrassed, ashamed. When asked what to do with this sinful woman who had “gone too far,” Jesus bent to the ground and began to write with his finger in the dirt. We don’t know exactly what He was writing, but I like to believe that He was writing out the true identity of the woman. Beloved. Daughter. Forgiven. Made whole. Slowly, the men began to leave and drop their stones.
“Whoever is without sin may throw the first stone.”
Everyone left. All were sinners.
(My personal favorite) “Woman, where are they? Where are those who have condemned you? Neither do I condemn you. Now go, and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:1-11)

So sister, you’re not too dirty to be wanted or loved by a good man. The ONLY perfect man who has ever walked this Earth does not condemn you. He loves you. His heart hurts over our sins and He asks us to turn away from them, but even still, He says we are enough for Him.

Rest in that.

My beautiful, beloved daughter: A healing love letter from your Maker

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 Only One by Harvest.

My beloved daughter, first, let me remind you who I am. I AM the Great I am. I am the beginning and the end. There is nothing that happens in your life that takes me by surprise. I thought of how much I adored YOU as I hand-crafted exactly what you would look like, your personality, your heart. I am completely enthralled by you. My heart hurts when you hurt. My heart rejoices when you succeed. I see everything and I still choose to love. I love you more deeply than you can mentally comprehend. This is a little of who I am.

My best for you.

It wasn’t you. He just wasn’t my best for you. I delight in you, and if it is My will, one day I will send a man that will be so enamored by you, he won’t be able to look away. Daughter, do not settle for less than. Don’t settle for a man that needs to explore his options before realizing how great you are. Don’t settle for a man who has wandering eyes. The man I have for you will want the world to know that you are his. He will love you. He will choose you over the fear of commitment. He will choose you over the idea of independence, because he will see that you are WORTH it. So be patient and continue to seek Me. Because before I can entrust you and your beautiful heart to a man, I must know that above anyone and anything, your beautiful heart is mine.

I say you are enough.

When you are heartbroken, I am heartbroken. My darling, I hope you know that you are not what he said about you. You are NOT too much. You are ALWAYS enough.

You are not crazy, ridiculous, dramatic, too ___, or any other hurtful comment that has been lodged in your brain by people you chose to let in. You are not too thick. You are not too skinny. Your eyes are beautiful, regardless of the color. You are the perfect height. Your body is a temple. NEVER let a mere human belittle you because of your body. I know this twisted world distorts what is beautiful. I know they give ideals that are unrealistic and I know how damaging some of these ideas can be. So daughter, flat-chested, busty, pear, or apple, 100 lbs, 400 lbs, YOU are SO beautiful. My heart aches at the surface-level, shallow, worldly-standards of beauty you are forced to acknowledge. But you are more than enough. And remember that outward beauty fades, but a woman who is truly wrapped up in my love, the woman whose heart radiates, she will always be beautiful.

Please trust Me.

I know you like food, so think about this. I have the most delicious, rich chocolate cake around the corner, but you’re so caught up standing in line for a cupcake. My beloved, I wish you would wait. I wish you would stop trying to rush the process. My daughters should never be desperate. I wish you would trust that your pain and loneliness serve a purpose. One day, you are going to look back and realize how all of this plays a part. I beg you, daughter, trust me. My timing is hard to understand but it is always worth it. I will always come through. I will, in time, heal your heart, provide whatever you’re longing for, or take that desire away.

You are uniquely beautiful.

My dear, YOU are so beautiful. I look on you with so much love and I take pleasure in MY creation. It breaks my heart that you cannot see this. I hate that you compare yourself to my other creation. Each of my daughters, my flowers, my clouds are different. I so desperately want you to see your beauty, your specific talents, and amazing gifts. I want you to embrace your unique characteristics. I dream for you to believe in your heart that you are worthy, enough, and loved. You are unique. What a blessing it is to be different than anyone else. It makes you, you. And I love the girl you are.

I love your big heart.

You love others so well. You love deeply and passionately. This is not a curse, my dear. It is a blessing. I see how your heart hurts for others. The left out, the less than, the lonely, the ones who are different. I love them too. They are my creation. I gave you your big, beautiful heart so that you could love my people. Your heart is rare. It blesses others. However, entrusted to the wrong person, it can be devastating for you. Fragile hearts are among my fondest. But I also see the ways you get taken advantage of and hurt. So please, daughter, guard it. Love others and care, but also be careful. I never want your beautiful heart to callous or numb.

Please take off the mask.

Lastly, I know it is hard to be vulnerable. You fear rejection. You fear getting hurt. You are so tempted to act like you have it all together. Leaving the mask on is toxic. Because one day, my love, the walls you built up, the facade you wear, it will be knocked to the ground. It is only a matter of time. The exposure may kill you if you are not careful. My daughter, please soften. Soften your heart, and let others in. Trust me with your pain and allow me to heal. I cannot heal you until you hand over the hurt. When you refuse to acknowledge your need for me, essentially, you are saying that you’re fine without me. You and I both know that is untrue. Let me in. Let others in. Expose the raw, messy, broken, needy. I LOVE THOSE PARTS OF YOU. There’s no need to hide what I already see. Come out of hiding. You’re safe here with Me.

You are priceless. You are rare. I am captivated by your beauty. I am taken aback by your strength. Continue to seek Me. Continue to trust Me. I always have your best interest in mind. Sometimes my “no” is really a “just you wait, baby.”

“I want to be the only one on the throne of your heart, the only one who moves you. I will remove the names of your lovers, even the memory of their face will fade away. I will write on you my name forever. I will be known by you as faithful and true. So, come back, come back. I’ll take you to the start. Come back, come back. I’ll take you to your first love.”


I love you so much,

Your Maker, Father, and Healer

Jesus Knows The Pain You Are Feeling…


For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

Hebrews 4:15

I find comfort knowing that my Jesus identifies with the hurt I feel. It’s not an empty empathy. He’s been there. He knows the feelings all too well. We cannot look at Him and say, “you don’t understand,” because He does.


The Savior, being fully God and yet fully human, had temptations and hurts. He wept. He begged God to spare Him. He was betrayed by a friend. He was hated. He had people slander his name. He lost loved ones to death. He was tempted. He was alone at times. His heart was broken.


He knows, sweet friend. You are not alone in your pain.


But He came to conquer. You were not meant to carry that hurt beyond the cross. As we walk through a few examples, let’s remember not to sit in our pain. Instead, let us seek the Healer of hurts and let Him heal us.



Jesus suffered one of the most painful things; betrayal by a close friend. Betrayal cuts us deep. Mostly because the person who hurts us, knows just how badly it will hurt us. Whatever it is. Judas was one of Jesus’ best friends. They traveled together, taught together, did life together. Not only did he betray Jesus, he literally sold Jesus’ life for a couple of coins. Judas kissed Jesus as he was turning him over. I think kissing on the cheek is much worse than “stabbing in the back.” Dear friend, He knows the deep wound of betrayal. He knows how it feels to be lied to and sold out. You are not alone in your wound of betrayal.

Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.

Psalm 41: 9

After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”

John 13:21

…but Jesus said to him, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?”

Luke 22:48



Jesus suffered from the hatred of others. It hurts when people dislike us. It pains us when people don’t give us a chance. Jesus was hated so deeply that mass numbers of people wanted him dead. I can’t imagine the feeling. Things are so fickle in our world. One day someone praises you, the next, they throw stones. Jesus, the perfect, flawless, Son of God, was hated. Jesus suffered from rumors and gossip. I hate when I hear that someone is “talking about me.” It hurts me deeply. I know it hurt Jesus too. He was human, just like us. People said untrue things about Him. They accused Him of many unfair things. He knows the feeling. You are not alone in your wound of being slandered.

He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.

Isaiah 53:3

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.

John 15:18

You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Matthew 10:22



Jesus suffered from the loss of a friend. Jesus loved Lazarus. Even as He approached the tomb to raise Lazarus, He was deeply moved and He wept. The Jews that were surrounding took note of how much Jesus loved His friend in John 11 because it was so apparent in his troubled hurt. The loss of a loved one is painful; excruciating, even. But we have a hope of eternal life that one day we may be reunited in a place where pain does not exist. Though Jesus knew He would raise His friend, He was still moved and hurt. You are not alone in your wound of loss.

Read John 11


Jesus suffered from loneliness. He hung on a cross in front of the masses, alone, and cried out. He felt forsaken. He felt hopeless. He felt true, real, raw human emotions. I imagine Jesus as a child. I am sure He was always the odd-one. He lived blamelessly while other children played pranks and messed around. He was the goody-good. I am sure many saw Him as strange. He claimed to be the Son of God and was rejected by many. He knows the pain of loneliness and rejection.

Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Matthew 27:46

Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

Luke 5:16

Jesus wept.

John 11:35


Jesus had His heart broken on multiple occasions.

If you are suffering in one of the ways Jesus did, take heart, friend. Remember that this temporary place is not our home. We have a Kingdom that is waiting for us and setting our place at the table. We have legions of angels who will welcome us. There will be no sorrow. But until that time comes, value life. It is such a precious gift. It is not guaranteed to be easy. But God has you here to make an impact. Your pain may be able to help lead others to know the Healer, also.

You are not alone in your pain. So run to the One who understands it all too well.

If there is any way I can be praying for you, please email me at madisongwheat@gmail.com.

God bless, friends.

The Joy of Learning to Love Yourself: Worthy of Love

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Researcher Brené Brown wrote, “If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.”

Something beautiful started to happen several months ago. I finally started to believe that I am worthy of love.

The closer I grew to God, the more dependent I became upon Him, the less I cared about the worldly standards of beauty and fitting in. It started to matter less because my worth was constant and not dependent upon factors such as weight on a scale, or likes on a picture, or relationship status. I didn’t need to be chosen by anyone else other than Him. And He already chose me, not because of anything I did but out of His mercy (Titus 3:5).

I made a promise that I desperately wanted to keep. I made a promise to try and be kind to myself. I was tired of feeling lousy about myself and finally, I wanted to learn to love myself.


I have always craved belonging. I craved the feeling of being “loved.” I wanted to feel like I mattered, that people wanted me around, that I had something special to offer.


But I didn’t believe I was worthy of it.

How many times do we read, write, and repost things about the way that He sees us, yet continue to live in our thoughts that completely contradict that?

If you’ve read anything of mine, you know I battle lies of the enemy on a pretty consistent basis. I’ve fought through temptation of sin, abusive relationships, betrayal by friends, and being left by someone I loved. For years I have battled disliking my physical appearance and thinking that I would never be good enough. And because of these circumstances I did not believe I was worthy of being loved.


The enemy uses our weaknesses and he attacks.

And friends, I let him. For far too long. I finally said that enough was enough.

I was done believing that I wasn’t good enough because I don’t have a boyfriend.

I was done believing that I wasn’t good enough because my skin breaks out or because my thighs have some jiggle.

I was done believing that I wasn’t good enough because I struggle in school.

I was done believing that I wasn’t good enough because I’m not as pretty, or tan, or skinny as…


I’m just done.


I am worthy of love. And so are you, my dear friend.


Make a promise to accept compliments. Try your hardest to be kind to yourself. Stop focusing so much on outward appearance. Give up makeup for a little bit.


Because a boyfriend doesn’t make you worthy.

Appearance doesn’t make you worthy.

A 4.0 doesn’t make you worthy.

Cool Instagram pictures don’t make you worthy.

He makes you worthy.

You are worthy because you simply are. You are a human; a masterpiece, a creation, a talented, unique, intelligent, beautiful being.

Not according to the measures and labels of society, but according to the Star Breather himself.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. –Psalm 139:13-15

I realized maybe I needed to spend way less time on Instagram and in the mirror. I needed to spend more time loving life, reading encouraging truth, and surrounding myself with positive people that did not make me feel less than.

I see that I am worthy of being loved, just as you are. I see that I am beautiful simply because I am His.

I don’t know if I have ever been more content with myself. It’s ok that we have cellulite. It’s ok that we are single and spend a lot of nights at home watching movies alone. It’s ok that we will never look like those air-brushed celebrities. Once we get to that place of freedom in believing our worth, none of those things seem to matter anymore.

It feels amazing to roll out of bed and meet friends for breakfast, not concerned with makeup. It’s so freeing knowing that I don’t have to spend time attempting to impress some boy. If he is the right boy, he will like me for who I am, the way I am. It’s great knowing that my worth isn’t determined by my GPA or what job I will get after college.

It’s beautiful believing that I am beautiful. Not because of X, Y, or Z. But just because I am me, a daughter of the King.

Friends, there is so much joy that flows from believing in yourself. Being ok with being alone. I love to write but I find that I am not great with words when expressing the freedom Christ has given me. It’s unexplainable sometimes, literally. There is so much joy that comes naturally when you’re unconcerned with appearance, what others might think about us.

“When we can let go of what other people think… We gain access to our worthiness.” -Brené Brown

YOU ARE SO FREAKIN WORTHY OF LOVE. It doesn’t matter what your ex said, or who he is dating now. It doesn’t matter if you cannot live up to your parents expectations. It doesn’t matter if you’re so broken and cannot break the cycle of sin. NONE OF THOSE THINGS TAKE AWAY YOUR WORTHINESS. You can find freedom, too.

You are worthy right now. Find joy in that, sister.

Challenge yourself and ask:

What is hindering me from believing that I am worthy of love?

Am I spending time combatting the lies of the enemy with truth from God?

He is waiting for you to open your eyes to see your worth, the worth He has given you! Don’t make Him wait as long as I did 😉

I would love to hear from you and encourage where I can, comment or email me,

xox, Madison (madisongwheat@gmail.com)